Thursday, November 15, 2007


When I first started thinking about the ego and how it works, I was reading a book called "The Thai Chi Journey"... I think if you follow the book, you should live your life without wanting things. This means material items, wealth, love, respect... all of it. The book kept referencing an old Chinese man who would live out his life in a little fishing village, fishing, and not wanting, and being self aware.. all that stuff in order to find your 'chi'.

So, in theory that's great and all, but in today's world we kind of have to work and have material things.. and wanting love, well doesn't that just happen without effort.. maybe it isn't love that we want as much as human closeness. For sure we can apply those principles to our lives today and be more aware of our selfishness and want of nice things and respect and all that.. that would be good.

Several months ago, a person told me that the reason I was upset about losing my relationship was because of my ego. Maybe that's true to a degree.. when someone doesn't want you, you feel bad about it, and you want them to want you again.. and you think of ways to win them back.. is that all ego or is it human error, that we slide into places in life where we don't see what's going on around us so much, and then when the important things start to unravel, we're able to see again... and then it's too late for some.

But the idea that you react this way is based solely on a bruised ego.. then what are people all about? Is it possible that our egos rule the way we experience everything?

Recently, I told someone that I was unhappy with with our friendship.. that I didn't think it was reciprocal. Normally when you reach out to someone and you tell them that your feelings have been hurt, or that you feel angry, or dissatisfied, you expect them to actually listen to you and care about how you feel.. instead this friend sat there feeling defensive. This must be a case of the bruised ego.. because otherwise, a person would really care about making their friend feel bad.

I just don't understand people. We allow our egos to control us, and to run our lives in the end, don't we?
Does that mean that the ego is the ultimate character flaw? I think it must be if it makes us so blind.

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